Archive for the ‘Womanhood’ Category

“LOOK WHAT I DID!”

Monday, May 4th, 2009

I was delivering a workshop recently on the differences in gender communication.  An audience participant raised her hand and asked, “Why is it when my husband does the dishes or some other household task he has to announce it?  I do the same things every day and they go unnoticed!”  Sound familiar?

The same is true in my household.  Just yesterday I asked my husband to do the weekly grocery shopping, something I don’t believe he’s done in oh - 10 or 15 years.  But, I was feeling overwhelmed and it was time to ask for help.  He was assisted by our ten-year-old daughter who basically did the whole job for him.

Talk about announcing!  He sent me seven pictures of him “doing the shopping” and posted them on Facebook.  You’ll have to excuse me - I need to go take pictures of me unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry, and completing the bills…

FEAR NOT

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

View of the Green MountainsLast fall, on the same day the stock market fell to what would become the first of many record lows, I was climbing to record personal heights.  On the same day the world tempted me to live in fear that I was going to lose it all, I felt richer than I ever have.  On the day this picture was taken, I made a decision that changed the course of my life.

If you’re anything like me, making decisions based out fear is a very easy thing to do - especially in today’s economy. Worry, anxiety, and “what ifs” have been familiar companions of mine in the past.  Better to be safe than sorry, I reasoned.  Except that I found myself sorry for the times when I had played it too safe.  In September 2008, I took a trip that would change all that and taught me a thing or two about climbing hills.

Biking Vermont I joined a week long bike tour of Vermont expertly designed by Bike Vermont.  We would tour Middlebury and Otter Creek Valley during the day and stay at lovely inns at night.

The first fear I faced was going alone.  Schedules prevented everyone I asked to join me, including my husband.  As I was fretting over what to do, my 9-year-old daughter finally asked, “Why can’t you go alone?”  I couldn’t produce a reason that didn’t sound like a lame excuse.  It turns out there was nothing to fear as the three other married couples and two cousins on my tour welcomed me without hesitation.

Challenge number two:  I wasn’t what you’d call a biker.  Beyond the casual spins around the FLAT neighborhood, I had never really traveled far by bike.  Now I had thirty days to start training for hills and covering up to 30 miles per day.  The upside was purchasing biking shorts and realizing they can plump up your behind in a way that makes your stomach look really flat in comparison!

Wally and EricBike Vermont Van

My fears were put at ease once I met Wally and Eric, our trusty tour guides.  Each morning our group would gather and go over the biking route, then we’d head off at our own pace - no matter how slow.  Wally and Eric took turns either biking behind us, no faster than the slowest biker, or driving the van to meet us at check points.  Knowing that help was just around the corner gave me all the confidence I needed.

On the third day of our tour, my new-found confidence was put to the test.  That’s when our map for the day included the Brandon Gap Option.  “This is one of the very few passes over the top of the Green Mountain range,” read our tour material.  It also warned, “The ride requires that you be a reasonably strong biker since the first half is almost all uphill and the last 1.2 miles of the climb are steep.”

Note that this was an option.  We didn’t have to do it, only if you wanted the challenge and the view.  This was a no-brainer for me.  I didn’t consider myself a “reasonably strong biker,” so there was no way I was headed up a 5.1 mile hill.  I was so sure of my decision until everyone kept talking about it all morning, “Are you going?  It’s supposed to be amazing at the top.”  At first I was afraid I wouldn’t make it, now I was afraid of what I’d be missing if I didn’t try.

Our guides offered sage advice on how to approach hills.  “No hill is one hundred percent straight up,” said Eric.  “There are always little pockets of flatness where you can rest.”  Then he joked, “When in doubt, keep your head down.  It always looks flat that way.” I was reminded of other metaphorical hills I had faced in my life.  When I had looked too far ahead, the hills appeared impossible to conquer.

“The key is to just keep your feet moving in a circular motion.  There’s no rush.  You have all the time in the world.  Just keep moving,” said Wally.

Finally decision time came.  Either I was going to make the turn to head up toward the Brandon Gap, or keep on going straight.  I turned, along with four others.  It took me 1.5 hours to make it up that hill.  At times I moved so slowly that I nearly tipped over.  But, I didn’t.  I just kept moving.  And I made it!

Brandon Gap top

But, it turned out I wasn’t done yet.  To get to the amazing view, we had to hike another mile through the Green Mountain National Forest - you guessed it - straight up.  This time, I didn’t hesitate.  My legs were trembling with overuse, yet I had never felt more alive.  After another 30 minutes of climbing - three of us had reached the promised view:

img_0950.jpg

 The ride down was much faster than the other direction!  Little did I know the stock market was tumbling just as fast that day.  Everything I thought I had invested in for a secure future was at question.  All the money I had put away out of fear of not living well in my retirement had been cut in half, just like that.  I didn’t care.

Before biking the Brandon Gap, I would have let that news shake me to the core.  I would have been filled with worry about a dark and gloomy future.  Yet, that day, on the top of the hill I decided to never again let fear guide my decisions.  I had experienced pure joy and money had nothing to do with it.  I had pushed myself further than I thought I could.  And, let me tell you:  the view is amazing!

If you’d like to check it out for yourself, contact Bike Vermont by visiting www.BikeVermont.com or call 800-257-2226.

 

STREAMLINING LIFE

Monday, January 12th, 2009

I attended the Q104 Bridal Fair this weekend as my daughter was modeling a couple of junior bridesmaid dresses.  The last bridal fair I attended was nearly 18 years ago when I was engaged.  Even then, the whole process was overwhelming.

I had actually attended very few weddings by the time I was engaged at 27 - maybe two.  My mom was left in a vegetative state from a stroke when I was 12, and I had few women in my family.  So growing up thinking about weddings was not on my radar screen.  I didn’t have a clue about what I wanted, nor did I care too much.  When I saw all the choices available to brides and I just couldn’t believe anyone had thought so much about things like table settings, flowers, and invitation fonts.

It was interesting for me to watch the brides-to-be get involved in yesterday’s show.  They were taking meticulous notes, sampling cake, and entering drawings.  There were so many choices available.  The thing I’ve found about choices though, the more there are, the more difficult it seems to be to make a decision.  This is not just my observation though, researchers have found that most of freeze up when there are too many options (read The Paradox of Choice).  We become filled with anxiety about making the wrong choice, so we do nothing.  (Many people stopped investing in their company’s 401-K because they had so many options, they couldn’t decided on the best one, so they did nothing.)

You can see this in action with our children.  Offer 2-3 choices, and decisions come fast and easy.  Pile on the options and kids hem and haw while life passes them by.  (Fill out any college applications lately?).  Present me with a dinner menu with 27 entrees and it will take me a long time to order.  Give me three entrees - I’m good in five minutes or less.  I’m not surprised I was able to plan my wedding so quickly.  Had I not been saved by ignorance, who knows how much anxiety I would have experienced?

There’s beauty in simplicity.  Life was easier without so many TV channels.  There’s a lot more time for living when you’re not bogged down with so options on how to do it.

WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

Friday, July 11th, 2008

One of my favorite authors is Maya Angelou. Oh, to have that much wisdom! I’m often reminded of one her most concise pieces of advice: When a person shows you who they are, believe them. How many times have I ignored the obvious signs a person has shown me in hopes he or she would be something I wanted them to be?

A good friend of mine passed along this poem by Ms. Angelou. Another fine piece of work that really makes you think:

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,

even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,

that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

a feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,

and confront a friend without;

ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..

whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,

and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…

or a charming inn in the woods…

when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…