I have been feeling overwhelmed lately.  You know it’s a sign that you’ve over scheduled yourself when you’re  actually EXCITED for a whole half day to clean your house!  But, yesterday afternoon was finally that day for me after what feels like weeks of build up.

Any visitor to my home can pretty much tell how I’m doing by the look of my kitchen counters.  If things are piled up, life feels out of control.  But if things are neat and tidy with the dishes done, I’m at peace (or else I shoved it all in the closet).

A new study from the Pew Research Center confirms all that I feel.  But, it’s even worse according to the results for working women with young children.  The age-old torn heart and divided commitment for this population leaves them feeling chronically stressed.

I’ve found an undesired byproduct of this is young girls in particular who think this is the way life is supposed to be - stressed.  They act stressed like it’s a status symbol, as if having too much to do makes you important.  They complain about “everything they have to do” and conclude with “I don’t have enough time.”  Sound familiar?

One good reason to simplify our lives is to teach our children how to do the same.

Girls with Sole is the vision of Q104 Listener and Mom Liz Ferro of Rocky River. The non-profit organization uses fitness and wellness to empower the minds, bodies and souls of girls who have experienced abuse. Liz herself is a survivor and now mom to two beautiful kids and a triathlete!

Athletics helped her survive and thrive and now she wants Girls with Sole to offer the same to other young girls.

I was honored to act as Mistress of Ceremonies for their first big fundraiser on Sunday.  It was held at the Busy Broad Boutique in Lakewood.  Awesome place!  Participants enjoyed a beautiful tea, fashion show, and speakers.

Liz has wasted no time in providing programming to area girls.  She’s already partnered with the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center and Fitworks .  If her cause speaks to you in any way, I urge you to offer your support!  Again, her website is www.girlswithsole.org.

Here’s a taste of what you missed!

Here I am with Glam Girl - Liz Ferro!

Check out that leg!

The setting was beautiful! In addition to the bar, people sat at small tables throughout the gallery. It was really a special day.

Liz Ferro of Rocky River is a Q104 listener and founder of Girls with Sole. Talk about a woman with SOUL!  She is dedicated to the idea that a girl’s life can be changed through learning about self-care, fitness, and nutrition.  Liz should know.

Her story is sad, but unfortunately, not unique.  As a foster child, she was adopted at the age of two and personally experienced sexual abuse. Liz credits athletics and fitness for giving her the self-esteem and inner strength needed throughout her life to overcome difficult times and view herself and her body as purposeful and important.

This Sunday, November 15th, Girls with Sole is hosting a fundraiser Tea and Fashion Show at Busy Broad Boutique which I am honored to host.  It starts at 3:00 and costs $25.  This is well worth your money!  Please join me in joining Liz in her efforts to turn her suffering into healing for others.

One out of four college students utilizing campus based mental health counseling services have considered suicide, a pilot study by the Center for the Study of Collegiate Mental Health at Pennsylvania State University reported in April. Focusing on 28,000 students at 66 institutions nationwide (including Ohio State) over a five year period, the study also found a significant increase in self-injury and alcohol and substance traced to issues such as depression.

Mental health is a real concern on college campuses, but most parents don’t know it.  As an adult, your child has the right to see a counselor without you knowing.  Most parents give the lecture about drugs, drinking, sex, and grades.  But what about recognizing the signs of depression or whether or not a roommate is mentally well?

I’ve just updated my college survival guide, My Roommate is Driving Me Crazy! There’s extensive chapter on mental health and all new material about recognizing the signs of a potentially violent student.  Roommates and other students are the best observers of this behavior.  Teaching students to report and reach out is the best thing we can do to keep our campuses safe.  Please make sure your child is educated!

If you know of a soon-to-be college freshman, consider a copy of the book as one of the survival tools you pack along with gift cards and bedding.  This kind of knowledge really is power!

On Saturday March 21, Sarah Crump of the Plain Dealer wrote an excellent article on the effects of relational aggression between girls called “Modern Meanies.”  I was pleased to have the opportunity to be interviewed.  In addition to the article, I wanted to offer these tips for parents of girls dealing with this type of bullying:

First, for girls who are being targeted, here are some tips:

• Determine what you control. You have no control over other people and circumstances. But, you have full control of how you respond. Your response can influence any situation therefore you’re not helpless.

• Choose your response. If another girl is being mean to you, there are four ways to respond: ignore her, be mean back, talk to her face-to-face, or tell an adult. While I’m not encouraging being mean back, I’m being honest in saying that it is an option. Most likely, you’ve already tried it. Now, it’s time to honestly assess the best choice.

• Know the pros and cons. Ignoring a situation may work, but if things continue or get worse, it’s time for another response.

Being mean back may feel good in the moment, but it can also escalate bad feelings. Is it worth it?

Talking face-to-face can increase understanding but doesn’t guarantee cooperation or an apology.

If you’re feeling stuck, the situation is rapidly growing worse, or someone is in danger of being harmed, it’s time to ask an adult for help. Specify the help you want, especially if you fear the adult will take over.

• Express your stress. We make better decisions when we’re calm. Manage your stress daily through exercise, pursuing hobbies, journaling, talking to a trusted adult, prayer or meditation.

• Expand your friendships. Develop new friendships so that you’re not relying on one person. Measure healthy friendships by asking yourself, “After I spend time with this friend, how do I feel about myself?” If the answer isn’t positive, neither is the friendship.

Parents, if your daughter is a target of relational aggression, here are ways you can support her:

• Listen with empathy. Allow your daughter to describe her situation and express her feelings without interrupting, correcting, or minimizing. She needs to feel heard and at the same time, talking out loud helps her understand herself.

• Coach, don’t solve. Avoid taking over. Help your daughter sort through her options, but be careful about solving her problems. This is her chance to learn valuable conflict resolution skills.

• Skip empty platitudes. Telling girls, “Just ignore it,” or “That’s just how girls are,” leaves them feeling minimized and hopeless.

• Ask empowering questions. After your daughter explains her situation ask her, “What do want to do about this?” Help her weigh the pros and cons of her response. Ask her, “What part of this situation do you feel you can control?” to help her set reasonable expectations.

• Support healthy coping skills. Help your daughter develop healthy ways to manage stress such as exercise, hobbies, journaling, volunteering, faith, and expanding social connections.

I’ve posted a few videos on YouTube that you may find helpful. Also, check out my website for my E-Seminar BFF! (Except When We’re Not): A Parent’s Guide to Helping Girls Develop Healthy Friendships.

Finally, if you or your daughter would like to see me for counseling, please contact Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at 800-600-5327.