I’ve been invited to fill in on the morning show Monday (3/30) while Rebecca is off, so if you have “mom” topics you want to discuss - post them here or call in!  Allan and I would both love to hear what’s going on for all the moms out there.

Have a great spring-like weekend!

On Saturday March 21, Sarah Crump of the Plain Dealer wrote an excellent article on the effects of relational aggression between girls called “Modern Meanies.”  I was pleased to have the opportunity to be interviewed.  In addition to the article, I wanted to offer these tips for parents of girls dealing with this type of bullying:

First, for girls who are being targeted, here are some tips:

• Determine what you control. You have no control over other people and circumstances. But, you have full control of how you respond. Your response can influence any situation therefore you’re not helpless.

• Choose your response. If another girl is being mean to you, there are four ways to respond: ignore her, be mean back, talk to her face-to-face, or tell an adult. While I’m not encouraging being mean back, I’m being honest in saying that it is an option. Most likely, you’ve already tried it. Now, it’s time to honestly assess the best choice.

• Know the pros and cons. Ignoring a situation may work, but if things continue or get worse, it’s time for another response.

Being mean back may feel good in the moment, but it can also escalate bad feelings. Is it worth it?

Talking face-to-face can increase understanding but doesn’t guarantee cooperation or an apology.

If you’re feeling stuck, the situation is rapidly growing worse, or someone is in danger of being harmed, it’s time to ask an adult for help. Specify the help you want, especially if you fear the adult will take over.

• Express your stress. We make better decisions when we’re calm. Manage your stress daily through exercise, pursuing hobbies, journaling, talking to a trusted adult, prayer or meditation.

• Expand your friendships. Develop new friendships so that you’re not relying on one person. Measure healthy friendships by asking yourself, “After I spend time with this friend, how do I feel about myself?” If the answer isn’t positive, neither is the friendship.

Parents, if your daughter is a target of relational aggression, here are ways you can support her:

• Listen with empathy. Allow your daughter to describe her situation and express her feelings without interrupting, correcting, or minimizing. She needs to feel heard and at the same time, talking out loud helps her understand herself.

• Coach, don’t solve. Avoid taking over. Help your daughter sort through her options, but be careful about solving her problems. This is her chance to learn valuable conflict resolution skills.

• Skip empty platitudes. Telling girls, “Just ignore it,” or “That’s just how girls are,” leaves them feeling minimized and hopeless.

• Ask empowering questions. After your daughter explains her situation ask her, “What do want to do about this?” Help her weigh the pros and cons of her response. Ask her, “What part of this situation do you feel you can control?” to help her set reasonable expectations.

• Support healthy coping skills. Help your daughter develop healthy ways to manage stress such as exercise, hobbies, journaling, volunteering, faith, and expanding social connections.

I’ve posted a few videos on YouTube that you may find helpful. Also, check out my website for my E-Seminar BFF! (Except When We’re Not): A Parent’s Guide to Helping Girls Develop Healthy Friendships.

Finally, if you or your daughter would like to see me for counseling, please contact Lakeshore Educational & Counseling Services at 800-600-5327.

Just call me “Mommy Buzz Kill.”  That’s how I felt after stomping all over one of my daughter’s jokes.  I was fixing dinner, tired and out of patience.  She bounded into the room ready to tell me a joke.

“What did one egg say to the other before the school play?”  she asked.

Right here is where I forgot rule number one about kid humor:  Never, never ruin the punchline.  Always play dumb, act like you’ve never heard it before.  But no, I had to act all smart, like I actually have to one up a ten year old?

“You crack me up.”  I said.  Immediately I felt awful.  She didn’t really want me to guess the answer, she wanted me to play along.

“No,” she said. “Crack a shell.  Isn’t that funny?”

“Yes, that’s a good one.”  I said with some relief.  I had more than a little egg on my face.

When you get mad, how do you respond?  If you’re a woman, have you ever let another person know how deeply you’ve been hurt or angered by NOT talking?  You silent treatment people know who you are…

Although it’s seems crazy to communicate being hurt by not communicating, that’s exactly what many women, and their daughters, do.  Social exclusion, or feeling cut off from relationships is at the core of how girls hurt one another.  The clinical term is called relational aggression.  If your daughter is experiencing difficulty in her friendships at school, you know all about it.

On Tuesday March 10, I’ll be delivery a free parenting seminar at the Strongsville Branch of the Cuyahoga County Library.  It runs 7:00-8:30 PM.  The information will teach adults (please don’t bring your girls) how to help girls develop healthy friendships and what to do if they are in the middle of drama right now.  Please call and register so we can have enough handouts.  If you can’t make it but still want the info, you can download my e-seminar called “BFF!  (Except When We’re Not)” anytime by visiting www.susanfee.com.