How’s the winter break going for your child?  Depending on school relations, the break is either filled with lots of activity with friends or the social calendar is very quiet.  You might not be aware of it, but your child may be on the outs at school - or even be suffering from bullying.  If so, would you know the signs?  Some bullying is physical, but it can also come in the form of emotional, verbal, and cyber abuse.

On Wednesday January 14, I’m delivering a free parenting seminar on how to Bully-Proof Your Kids at Ledgeview Elementary in Macedonia, 7-8 PM.  We’ll talk about the forms of bullying, differences between boys and girls, and how you and your child can respond.  Some kids are more vulnerable than others to bullying behavior making them easy targets.  I’ll spend quite a bit of time on how to raise more resilient children.  I wish we could end all bullying tomorrow, but there’s always going to be stuff that happens that adults don’t catch.  In that case, how well can your child handle himself?

Boys tend to bully in more overt ways like hitting or name calling.  Girls tend to bully in a more covert fashion, attacking relationships and using exclusion.  If you’re the parent of a daughter and want more detailed information on how to help your daughter establish healthy friendships, check out my new e-Seminar:   BFF!  (Except When We’re Not):  A Parent’s Guide to Helping Girls Develop Healthy Friendships. It’s an hour long MP3 with accompany PDF workbook that you can download immediately.

If you’d like to attend January 14th, please register by calling Cindy Chaffee at (330) 467-7119.  There’s no charge, but we want to make sure we have enough room and handouts.  The location is:

Ledgeview Elementary, 9130 Shepard Road, Macedonia, OH  44056 (7-8 PM).

Hope to see you there!  In the meantime, if you have questions, please post them here.

Thank you, thank you to all the Q104 listeners who shared their stories and support this week as I filled in for Rebecca on the morning show.  It’s always fun - but scary too.  What the Wilde & Fee show does may sound easy, but really, there’s so much that goes on behind the scenes.  They are pros.

Spending a week working with my husband in such unusual circumstances reminds me what a skill it is to really listen. As a counselor, listening is a major part of my job, but something happens when it’s our family.  It’s way too easy to make assumptions about the people we know best leading us to jump to conclusions, or interrupt.

There were numerous times this week on the air when I stepped all over what Allan was saying, or I wasn’t ready when he came to me for a comment.  In other words, I wasn’t really listening. When we were in synch, I was paying attention - looking at him - seeking to understand what he was communicating and not trying to one-up him.  What a difference!

Listening well takes energy.  It’s not a mindless activity by any means.  I may not like getting up at 3:15 AM to do a morning radio show, but I appreciate the lesson of the Early Morning Wake Up Call!

Is your mailbox full of junk mail?  Do you get tempted to spend money you don’t have by browsing catalogs full of stuff you didn’t know you needed (until you saw it in a catalog)?  I don’t know about you, but according to my mail, I am a VERY special person!  Yes - I have been PRE-APPROVED by many credit card companies to spend money at a reasonable rate of oh, about 25 percent interest!

Save time, money, and the environment by getting your name off these mailing lists.  I just found a great article in this week’s Time Magazine that offers tons of ways to do this.  The one I used was a free site called ProQuo.com. You can remove your name and address from junk mail, credit card, and catalog lists. Some of the links can be completed online, some ask you to print a letter and mail it. For the catalogs, they require you to enter the mailing label number which I didn’t have. But, I’ll save them in the future and delete as I go. This is better than going to each individual site.

What really irks me is the mail sent to my 9-year-old daughter! This started once we signed her up for a frequent flyer numbers on the airlines. Then credit card offers started pouring in. If you have a college student, it would be wise to reduce the amount of temptation they receive in their mailbox too.

The holidays are always a stark reminder to me of how differently people view families.  We have so many versions of that term!  I’m talking to people who are searching for ways to spend more time with family, and those who are trying to break ties.  A lot of people tell me they hate the holidays because of family discontent.

My core family is very small - just the three of us.  My husband and I left home one year after getting married and have always been on our own.  We see our families on the west coast in the summer, when it’s more pleasant to travel.  This does not seem odd to us, but I can’t tell you how many people react negatively to the fact that we don’t fly home for every holiday.  We are very conscious of the fact that our daughter has limited exposure to extended family, and we do all we can to keep these ties alive.

But, I’m also aware that family members are not the only way to create a sense of bonding and belonging.  When family is not available - or in some cases when they are not a healthy choice - mentors, community members, and close friends can fill the void.

In his book, “Wonder of Girls” Michael Gurian discusses what the world’s most happy and satisfied children have in common.  They are raised with what he calls the three-family system which offers a web of support and helps the child feel bonded.  The first family is core, mom and dad traditionally, or a single parent.  The second family is extended family like grandparents, but in their absence, any figure who can provide wisdom and guidance.  The third family is community.  This would be any close involvement with an institution like school or church - not just attending, but a close involvement so that it feels like family.

I’ve given a lot of thought to how we create this web of support for our daughter when extended family is so far away.  Actively surrounding her with adult mentors with whom she can create a connection takes effort.  Yet, it can be done.  I’m so thankful for our friends and community involvement that allows us, and her, to feel connected to something bigger than our family.  It provides support but also purpose.

If you one of the people I described who is not close to your core family, I urge you to create your own web of support.  Your mental well-being and that of your children is positively influenced by having healthy social connections, feeling bonded, and feeling like you matter to someone.  Yes, it takes effort.  Just like my family, you have to make it happen.  But, “family” is what you make of it.